An essay about how I learned to meditate with the help of Tibetan meditation teachers and eventually realized that I had always possessed the same knowledge from birth.
I’m often asked how to develop one’s intuition, how to advance one’s spiritual growth, improve mental health, or how to better endure challenging times, and so on. The answer to many of these questions is: meditation. But many clients tell me that they don’t know how to meditate.
Some people think meditation is something extraordinary, or something formal and foreign that people do in the east. Those who are interested might try it, but often rigidly follow rules as if they were in school. They think they should sit on the floor with legs crossed, eyes closed, not thinking, and chanting "OM." If thoughts still come through and begin swirling even more actively in the mind, we feel like we've failed. Many meditation instructions do have some truth behind them, but meditation is never about success or failure.
Meditation really doesn't need to be difficult. It's as natural as breathing. But just as we're not conscious of every breath we take, we’re also not always aware that we are often meditating unconsciously. In fact, we’re doing it all the time.
I’ve gathered simple tips about meditation that I’ve learned over 30 years studying with Tibetan Buddhist meditation teachers. I started like many others: I quickly realized that sitting still, even for five minutes, seemed impossible. (It's amazing when you think about how we can easily watch TV/phone for two hours without moving!) This was my starting point, but after years of retreats, I could meditate for nearly two hours at a time. Now, looking back, I smile at myself, thinking of all the effort I put into practicing meditation, even though I now see that it was always within me. But I needed to go through all that practice to truly internalize my understanding of meditation. All the striving and reaching were part of the process. We cannot see what we do not see.
We have Always Known how to Meditate
When I finally truly understood, and especially internalized meditation, I realized that it had always been within me. One of the things that got me there was my childhood, native custom of sauna. Specifically, the feeling one gets when stepping from the freezing winter cold into the warmth of the sauna and throwing the first ladle of water onto the sizzling hot stones.
For a moment, thoughts stop. All worries vanish. The nerves rest. The whole sense of self disappears for a moment. We exist neutrally and naturally for a while, without hopes or fears. I realized that it was precisely this moment, aside from cleanliness, that draws the Scandinavians back to the sauna again and again. It's not just a physical cleansing but a spiritual one as well.
Many cultures have similar, nature- inspired traditions that help with an understanding of meditation. Meditation is universal and not tied to any specific culture, but to the human mind.
Why Bother Meditating (and not just spend time in nature, or such similar place)?
Because meditation isn’t quite that simple. Although the sauna or similar, inspiring place may take us into a meditative state for a few seconds, we quickly return to following our thoughts, which are often filled with worries and cause stress.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
So what exactly is meditation? It is the space between thoughts, or expressed in another way: the space behind thoughts. It is an endless source of potential, the moment just before a thought formally arises, when anything is possible. At this stage, there is no subject or object yet. The purpose of meditation is to remain in this source of creation.
As soon as a thought develops into its formal, "concrete" form, the subject (ourselves) and the object (the subject of our thought) appear as ideas in our minds, and thus we begin creating karma (whether good or bad). According to Buddhist teachings, this is where both happiness and, especially suffering, begin to form. We now have developed a formal idea of ourselves and others, and by believing in them, we generate many personal feelings, ideas and opinions. From these, the cycle of karma begins. The goal of meditation is then to remain in the original, neutral state, which is actually our natural state.
All of this may sound very subtle and complicated. But if I describe it as the feeling that comes when you pour water on hot sauna stones after stepping in from the winter cold, it is much easier to understand what I mean.
Timeless Consciousness
The next natural question is, how could we live continuously without thoughts or opinions? We can’t. But those who have truly mastered the art of meditation don’t get stuck in their thoughts or see them as concrete identities. They are free from them all the time. They live in the material world but understand that they don’t come from the material world, but from a timeless state of consciousness. The difference between beginner and advanced meditators is how deeply and how constantly they can remain in this state. I certainly don’t claim to be able to stay in a meditative state all the time. In fact, as strange as it sounds, it took me over 20 years just to distinguish meditation from ordinary thoughts. Hopefully, after reading this essay, you’ll realize it sooner than I did!
Meditation Posture
Meditation is like yoga for the mind, and although the mind is theoretically independent of the body, it’s much easier for a beginner to relax if they keep a few basic principles in mind regarding posture.
Ideally, it IS good to sit on the floor with legs crossed, as this has both symbolic meaning and practical purpose. However, sitting on a chair is also a perfectly fine option. In either case, these three points will be helpful:
The back should be naturally straight—not stiff, but relaxed and upright, as if a string is gently pulling from the top of your head to keep your body aligned.
Contrary to popular belief, it is better not to close your eyes. Meditation isn’t about escaping reality but understanding it fully. Plus, with your eyes closed, there’s a strong temptation to fall asleep. Your gaze should be roughly straight ahead. If your mind is restless, lowering your gaze can naturally calm you down. If your mind is too sleepy, you can raise your gaze slightly.
Your hands should ideally rest on your knees or, even better, placed one palm on top of the other, with your thumbs lightly touching.
If all of this sounds like a lot, you can start simply by sitting quietly for 10 minutes in the morning, even with a cup of coffee in hand, just staring at one point and letting your thoughts be without any judgment. It’s better to sit peacefully and give yourself and your thoughts space than to sit "correctly" but be completely stressed out.
However, a formal meditation posture does help calm the mind and gradually trains the body to settle into the meditation position.
Give Space to Your Thoughts
It’s important to understand that you can’t completely stop your thoughts. In fact, the more you try to force them to stop using willpower, the stronger they appear. The goal of meditation isn’t to stop thoughts; it’s to become aware of the timeless space that is always present behind your thoughts.
One of the best techniques for meditation is to simply give your thoughts plenty of room. Don’t block them from entering the "house" of your mind—invite them in! Even welcome them to bring friends (i.e., more thoughts) to the party! At first, there may be a lot of noise—joy, sorrow—but eventually, they tire and quiet down. This is what happens when you sit long enough with your thoughts.
Another helpful visualization is to think of cows in a spring meadow. At first, they run around wildly, excited to finally be out of the barn. But gradually, they calm down one by one and start to graze peacefully. You can imagine your own thoughts in a similar way—they’re still there, but they’ve settled and no longer control your whole being.
The Beginning is Always Easy
Meditation doesn’t need to be difficult, formal, or overly mystical. You can lower the threshold for starting it. If you simply consciously give space to your thoughts every morning for at least 10 minutes over the course of a week, you’ll likely notice that you face the day much more calmly, react less dramatically to situations, and are able to make better decisions. You’ll have a clearer understanding of yourself, your needs, and a sharper understanding of other people. This happens simply because you’ve given your own natural wisdom the space to "speak" to you. This brings many benefits to your life, such as developing intuition, increasing patience, self-awareness, and compassion towards others.
Namaste,
Ursula
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